I really don't have any idea what I'm doing
Don't give up on me, I'm still here, blogging away.
I haven't been home a whole lot lately. If you asked me what I've been doing, I don't think I could tell you becuase I don't really know.
When my friends little bro, and his friend died last week it hit our whole little community pretty hard. And it made me question a lot about my standing with God. The day that they died, my friend asked, "why would God do something like this?" and I've been struggling with that question. I know I'm not supposed to ask God that, and I didn't. I wanted to tell her that it's not God's fault, and that they are in heaven right beside her mom, but the truth is that I just don't know. I don't know if he is really in heaven. I haven't prayed once since that day. It's not that I'm mad at God, I love Him, but praying seems awkward right now. I've been to church three times since then, the first time I freaked out and started crying, and had to leave. I want to be there so bad becuase every time I go it's a chance to learn a little more about the God I love so much, but it's hard right now.
I haven't been home a whole lot lately. If you asked me what I've been doing, I don't think I could tell you becuase I don't really know.
When my friends little bro, and his friend died last week it hit our whole little community pretty hard. And it made me question a lot about my standing with God. The day that they died, my friend asked, "why would God do something like this?" and I've been struggling with that question. I know I'm not supposed to ask God that, and I didn't. I wanted to tell her that it's not God's fault, and that they are in heaven right beside her mom, but the truth is that I just don't know. I don't know if he is really in heaven. I haven't prayed once since that day. It's not that I'm mad at God, I love Him, but praying seems awkward right now. I've been to church three times since then, the first time I freaked out and started crying, and had to leave. I want to be there so bad becuase every time I go it's a chance to learn a little more about the God I love so much, but it's hard right now.
posted by Jen @ 4:42 PM
3 Comments:
At November 02, 2006 10:39 PM,
toby said…
Wow, Jen, sounds like a lot to be under. Glad you've been enjoying family and staying away from some things.
I don't know why God would allow such a thing to happen. I do know that we often overlook the harder questions in situations like these. Answer those questions (hint - they have nothing to do with God) and everyone will be on a better road to recovery, I think.
I think God's okay with your akwardness right now. I can't speak for him, though.
And about going to church...no pressure, k?
At November 03, 2006 9:13 PM,
marshan said…
Hey, Just don't give up on God,okay. And hang in there. You'll figure it all out.
At November 05, 2006 7:38 PM,
Jen said…
aw, you guys. No, I won't give up on God, but a lot of times I'm on this yo-yo religion diet thing. I'm really back and forth..and that sucks.
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