uh-oh, winking is sin.

It's weird to think that at this time last year I hadn't let God into my life yet. I was thinking of how much I've changed since then. Have I really changed? Not much. I'm still the same Jen, I still hang out with the same people.

When I first becam a Christian I thought, "oh man, this is so awesome, I'm going to be a witness to everyone! they'll se what this is really all about." I started having a lot of conversations about God openly with my friends, even with my friends parents. After a few months of being Christian I started to stress that people weren't lining up at church doors, waiting to be born again. So I stressed; I stressed so bad I couldn't sleep for more than two hours a night, I didn't eat for a week, and I got pretty sick from it all. I had a save-the-world complex, and it was hurting me.

So I chilled on the overwhelming convo's about God. I only give advice when asked, I throw in something about God with a sneak attack, maybe just a sentence and a wink to let my friends know I'm still with it.

Speaking of friends ( and I know this is a pretty random blog..), I got a call last night from someone close to me asking me what I was up to. I told him, and he replied with anger, asking me what I was doing hanging out with this person (a friend I've known for nine years). He was shocked that I would stoop so low and hang around such a sinful person.

That hurt, big time. After he hung up on me, I was speechless. I just sat there watching all these "sinful" people move around me. I've never felt so out of place. I'm a Christian hanging out with a bunch of sinners.

Back up.

When I snapped back and started thinking clearly I realized I did belong. I'm with them but apart from them at the same time. I'm not like them, but I like them. Sinners are the ones I call when I have a bad day, or when I need something to laugh about, or something serious to talk about, I cry on sinners shoulders, they cry on mine.

Anyway, Jesus loved the outcasts.

That's good enough for me.

No, I can't cure the sick, or make the blind see. And as much as I would love to hold up my hand and say, "go, and sin no more," that won't work either. But I can bide my time, throw in a sentence about God, and a little wink.

If it takes me my whole life of "stooping" so low as to hang around sinners to have just one person be influenced (i.e. take God into their lives), then I'm in. I believe that your presence and actions can be so much more influential that words alone.
I'm like the friend at the funeral that's there for you, I can't say much to make you feel better, but I'm here when you need me. *wink*